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2:52 a.m. - 2005-08-16 If thats true, what do we make of soulmates? Is there really one person for everyone? Most people getting married nowadays choose someone they can live with. Isn't a soulmate someone you can't live without? If there is only one person in the entire world for me, it's Erik. I think he's the only person in the world I could ever be happy with. No, I know now it's not him, you can't be a soulmate to someone who doesn't feel anything for you. I will never really get over him, even if I move on. If he's not the person I am suppossed to be with, he's the one I want to be suppossed to be with. I went to this church once, last year. I didn't really notice anything that stood out, I didn't have a funny feeling that something special was going to be there, it was just a normal, everyday church. And then there was Peter. I think, if things had worked out differently, in both of our lives, we would have been suppossed to be together. I can't even explain it, even now. I remember looking up to shake someones hand, and then it was like something clicked in my mind. He wasn't really attractive, he wasn't my 'type'. But I saw something in his eyes that made me feel...like we where suppossed to be together. Like he was what I had been waiting for all my life, even though i didnt really feel anything for him. Maybe, if things had worked out differently in both of our lives before we had met, we would be together now. When we met, he was in the middle of his 2nd marrage. Except for a few greetings and goodbyes, we never spoke, and thats the way its gonna be, I never even tried to see him anymore. He made his choice, thats all there was to it. Does that mean someone else is married to my husband? Or because we make our own future, there aren't soulmates? I like to think, that each dicision we make changes us, so that when we finally are ready to be with the person we don't want to be without, those two people have been molded and shaped from their experiences, and made ready for each other. So its a little bit of both. Our choices make us who we are, and when we are ready to share it, someone comes along that, because of their lives, they become what we call soulmates. I just keep closing my eyes and hearing those dreadful, pitiful word, that no matter what I feel, it doesn't matter. The man I love, who I will never stop loving, will never want to be with me. I didn't want to be with Peter, and I felt like I was suppossed to be with him. Ive known erik forever, and I love him, and i want to be with him. And thats never gonna happen. I didn't know it would hurt this much....
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