7:37 p.m. - 2005-05-16
Lyrics to my broken heart
Evanescence "You"

The words have been drained from this pencil
Sweet words that I want to give you
And I cant sleep, I need to tell you... goodnight

When we�re together I fell perfect
When I�m pulled away from you I fall apart
All that you say is sacred to me
Your eyes are so blue, I can�t look away as we lay in the stillness
You whisper to me, Lady, marry me, promise you�ll stay with me
Oh you don�t have to ask me, you know you�re all that I live for
You know I�d die just to hold you, stay with you
Somehow I�ll show you that you are my night sky
I�ve always been right behind you
Now I�ll always be right beside you

So many nights I�ve cried myself to sleep
Now that you love me I love myself
I never thought I would say that
I never thought there�d be you.

***

my heart is somewhere after 'Your eyes are so blue, I can�t look away' except, his eyes are green. I remember exchanging licences one night three years ago for fun.

"Your eyes are blue."

"No, they are green."

"Really? Hmm, Lemme see."

Sparkling golden green eyes stared back into my hazy blue ones for what seemed like an eternity. I could get lost in those eyes.

If you read back a few passages, you will see that I've already made plain that I don't want to get married. I dont want to give up my precious 'me time.' I dont want kids, and im terrified to be in a relationship.

But, when I look into his eyes, everything is different. All at once my world spins out of control and lands in a sweet haven that I thought only existed in the imaginations of hopeless romantics.

He is my nights sky, no matter how hard I try to fight it. Now Im starting to realize, I don't want to fight it. I want to wake up every morning and see his face shining in the sunlight.

Im still crying myself to sleep, because just at the glorious moment I realize i want this to happen with every fiber of my soul, i also realize it most likely will never even come close to happening. He doesn't see me like that, and it kills me. Ive been the best friend to every guy ive ever liked. nothing more. and now the one man i love, sees me as nothing more than a sister.

I want to run to him and kiss him and tell him how much i love him, how much ive always loved him, if only it would make this wild and bittersweet dream a reality. At the same time, i want to hide everything, for risk of ruining this precious friendship we have. What if I told him how I felt?

The only thing i know will happen is that from that moment on, things would be drastically different. Either he would say "I love you too, I've just been waiting until you where ready." Or, I will open my soul to him and be rejected, and then it would never be the same between us. I cant risk losing him, even if it means never knowing how he feels.

previous - next