2:23 a.m. - 2005-06-09
Grr. Arg.
I have 25+ Designware shirts. I started out with four. I also have a sweatshirt. I think the list is somewhere over 30. I don't know how it happened. We got new colors in the card shop last summer, and I bought 12 shirts. That put my up to 17. Now I have double. What am I going to do if I ever leave? I'll have 30 designware shirts that I can sleep in. I have about 4 pair of pants, 4 long sleeve shirts, and about 6 other shirts. All the rest of my closet is nothing but a rainbow of Designware t-shirts ranging in colors from hot pink to forest green.

They just got new colors in the card shop again. I want two of them.

I know there are new colors because Heather has been doing physical inventory all week, and yesterday, as well as this morning and before I left, I was asked to help. At first, it was odd. When I was in there yesterday evening for two hours before I left, I was with Heather, and I felt out of place. I kept thinking, "Why do I know how to do everything here?"

This morning, however, I was alone for two hours. Just me, a folder of inventory sheets, and the radio. Suddenly everything came back. That feeling I had the first day I started running the card shop last summer after Kim left. I was home again. I knew from the first time I went into the card shop it would be mine one day, and sure enough, it was gift wrapped and given to me july 1st, 2004. It was also snatched away from my unwilling grip a week before christmas. Stephanie begged and pleaded for me to come back down to the store perminently.

So, instead of being able to say that I ran the entire employee store for the company of designware, (which by the way, is a perfectly cozy, well lit, air conditioned room I would be happy to spend the rest of my days in) I am a primary cashier for a dirty, dark, loud paper outlet store. It was so blistering hot today, over 90 degrees. Ever work in a factory when its 90 degrees outside? Feels like 105 degrees.... I came home and peeled my clothes off, they where soaked in sweat.

Yesterday I came home and went to bed, didn't even eat dinner. Tonight I'm sitting here with wet hair to try and cool off and I notice I haven't even picked up this months Cosmo. My nails are torn and my cuticles dried up from the dirt and cardboard at work, my skin is rough and dry and callosed, I feel like a guy.

Surely theres some part in me thats still soft, still feminine. I'm a girl! I want to be a girl. I want pink nails and strappy sandles and highlights. I want to get up in the morning and put on jewelry and makeup.

This is my morning rutine:

Snooze
Snooze
Snooze
Realize I have to pee
Drag myself out of bed
Pee
Wash hands
Splash water on face
Brush teeth
Through on clothes
Pray they are clean
Locate shoes
Make sure they get on the right feet
Put poptart in toaster
Locate Store Badge
Locate purse
Realize I have no deodorant
Run into room to put some on
Get napkin
Grab poptart
Get Sunny-D from fridge
Head out the door
Get 3 minutes away from work
Wait till now to make sure I have everything

I really want to go into that temp agency, drag Sherri out to the street, wring her neck, and say, "It's been longer than 4-6 weeks."

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