10:05 p.m. - 2005-06-04
Enlightenment
My Cousin came into where i work today to pick up graduation balloons for her daughter. Afterwards we had just closed so I got to go home. She and my mom where talking about her daughters boyfriend and how they met. the story was so sweet, so unbelievibly beautiful. I walked her to her car and helped her with the balloons and she looked at me and said,

"I hope you can find someone soon, I sure will be praying for you."

I wanted to cry. There was no uncomfortableness, no snobby reletive-ness, it was love, pure love. She cared about me and wanted me to find someone to share my life with. Not because she thought I was lonely or unhappy, but because she knew her daughter shinned when she and her boyfriend where together, and she wanted to see me the same.

After what seemed like an eternity of feelings and fleeting moments, but was actually only a second, I said the first thing that came to my mind,

"Maybe I've already met him."

It really suprized me how easily and sweetly that came out. I wasn't even thinking about Erik. Or was I? I didn't even mean to say it, it just came out, and it felt so natural that I was in shock.

I love him, I've told everyone who has ever read this diary. Two of my best friends knows, too. But, I don't think I ever saw it like this before. Could he be the one? The man I could grow old with, share my entirty with? I knew I wanted to be with him, to marry him, but somehow after the comment I made earlyer, I saw marrying differently. It was as if I was hit over the head with a sledgehammer and told,

"Wake up and marry him, you idiot, he is your soulmate, how many more signs could you possibly want to prove that?"

One thought, and one only has been going through my head for the last 5 hours,

Oh. My. Gosh.

I think it's going to take a while for this reality check to bring me into real time. I really, REALLY want to see him. Now.

His mom comes in every few months or so to buy plates. She came in a few days ago, and I was suprized to realize that the conversation jumps instantaniously to Erik every single time. She knows. It makes me want her to hold me and tell me everything is going to be alright. She KNOWS.

She told me he has been INCREADIBLY busy lately. They are moving the family business to a different building, so he has to move carpet rolls and tile displays and furnature, plus he has to paint his house, or something, to get it ready to live in. He asked to stay at her place one night, crashed on the couch till the next afternoon.

He hasn't forgotten me, he hasn't been putting me off. He's been working like a dog without any kind of break. I wouldnt want to visit people either. Everytime we have a blowout sale I'm either working or sleeping for two weeks, and I do NOT want company. I want the world to leave me alone so I can have a few moments of precious peace to think.

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