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4:32 p.m. - 2005-07-18
It's nearly 5am. I'm watching Happy Days.
Tomorrow we are having a potluck at work. one of the things I signed up for was dessert. When I asked what kind of dessert, a unanimous and earnest vote was cast for chocolate. I decided to make the chocolate raspberry cake I made for shannon when she graduated from beauty school. That cake, in essence, was flawless. This cake, on the other hand, looks more like a mud pie.

I'm not entirely sure of anything that I did the first time I made it, only that the filling had something to do with cream cheese and raspberry jam, and the frosting was mixed with wipped cream. Well, The filling was runny and soaked right into the bottom layer, which means it will be soggy, and I added too much wipped cream to the frosting, so its kinda "gloopy".

My Dad was a master chef at disney world. I watch the food network religeously. I have very grown-up conversations with other food people, where for the most part I make sense. The worst of it is, I used to be able to pull something together at the drop of a hat and it was a masterpiece. And at 17 even.

What happened? Do I just not cook enough anymore? I'm losing my culinary ability. Sure I can make most things, follow recipies, and have it taste pretty good. But, something is different. Things arent coming out the way they used too, and I have no idea why. I don't really have many talents, cooking was one thing I was proud of. Now, thats leaving me.
I can only hope they don't have to lie to me tomorrow about how good everything is.

The other thing I signed up for, was baked macaroni and cheese. This is something my family has been making since before I was born, its a staple every thanksgiving and christmas, its the most coveted of any dish, and its gone in a heartbeat. My dad has trouble making it, I come through with flying colors. At least I can do that much.

I supposse you wonder why I am awake at this hour. Yes, I did have to wake up early to put the mac and cheese in the oven, but to tell you the truth, I haven't gone to bed tonight. Now I know I wont. Tomorrow is the day before the blowout sale, an 11 hour long push to get more than a fair share of work done. And I haven't slept.

I shouldn't be to the point of being too old for this. Two years ago I could stay up all night, work all day, get only a few hours of sleep the rest of the week, and be fine. Two years ago I didn't work for a paper outlet store.

It's nights like this I wish Ren and Stimpy was still on the air.


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