10:22 p.m. - 2005-06-26
Well, I can't tell anyone I work with about Florida. I work for a wonderful, proffessional, and fair company, and I do not feel my job is in jepardy. However, with the inevitable upcoming moving expences, I am not willing to take that chance.
It's been a very difficult two weeks.
My boss and everyone I work with are idiots if they don't at least suspect something. I'm not an emotional person when it comes to work, but to have a meltdown one day and be calm, serine, and elated the next is severly contradictional, even for me, and I know I haven't been hiding my joy.
Shannon waited 24 hours to tell her boss. My mom waited about two days. Everyone in the family, that we wheren't going to tell for a long time, knows. I have to wait at least 7 months before I can tell a soul. For me, this almost doen't feel real.
last weekend we all packed up and went to a drive-in movie. It lasted until 3 AM, it felt like winter halfway throught the first movie, I spent all of the extra money I had out of that paycheck to buy everybody warm refreshments from the food stand, and I fell asleep about 30 minutes into the second movie. Shelly tells me the drive-ins in florida stay above single digits in temperatures. She better be right.
Today we had a yard sale. America is a grand country. Anywhere you can live, and put out all the clutter in your house on your lawn, have someone pay you for it and take it away, is a wonderful place to be.
I don't want to tell Erik. At first because I thought I would break down and start crying and telling him that I love him and that he is the only regret I have on leaving michigan. But now, It's because I honestly don't think he's really gonna care. I am his dads best friends daughter, almost a sister, a casual, hidden flirtation kicked to the curb and not sought after, even with every single obstical out of his way. Could I really have loved him? Can you really, truly love someone who doesn't love you back? It got me thinking, if that wasn't true love, I'm gonna be blown away when I finally feel it.
It's still hard for me to let him go, but when I look at the happy faces of the two little girls I was almost torn away from, I know where my heart is, and, sad to say, after over 3 years, its not with Erik anymore, and it never will be again. I'm going to miss him, but not for what we had, I'm gonna miss him for what we COULD of had, and didn't.